"Do I Have To?" No One Really Likes Your Donor Cultivation Events

I heard the most refreshingly honest thing from a significant donor the other day.

"Please don't invite me to another dinner party."

As a charitable sector, we plan a lot of donor cultivation events. We know we need to connect with our donor base. Inevitably, we think of things from OUR perspective: it would be so much easier if we could organize a small event and invite our best prospects. That way we can talk to all of them at once!

Have you ever stopped to consider that your donors may not like these events and come in spite of that?

Think about it. You've been invited to an event where you don't know if you'll know anyone, you don't know if you'll like anyone, and you might get stuck with someone that talks your ear off about something you don't care about, or worse, don't agree with. The food will be lackluster, the drinks will be cheap, and you'll lose an entire evening over it.

So let's think about this from the donor's perspective. What does the donor want?

Customized attention
It doesn't need to be one-on-one, per se, but your cultivation activity does need to reflect the interests of your donor or prospective donor. Ask them what they want to do to deepen their engagement. For some, it actually might be a dinner party. But for most, it will involve some kind of customized VIP experience.

Don't say "no" for them
Maybe you think that your idea of how to deepen the relationship is too much time for them, too arduous a request, too daring, or too tame. Don't automatically toss out the idea--ask the donor what they think. You never know when they might say, "Wow, I've always wanted to do that!"

Respect their time
That said, respect how much time they have to give to you. If they can only commit an hour, create an experience for an hour. It's better to schedule a return experience than leave them bored and frustrated by how much time this took.

Have them truly experience your mission
Whatever you do, make sure it connects somehow with your mission. In fact, that may be why your donor doesn't want to attend your reception or dinner party: it's so removed from what they think your mission is, that it's of no interest.

Listen
Above all, listen to their needs. It doesn't matter what YOU want to do, if it's not what the donor wants.

Lessons from 100 Days of Gratitude

From June to September 2013, we embarked on a mission to thank someone every day for 100 days. Honestly, the 100 Days of Gratitude was supposed to be a way to get us to blog more. Instead, it was an inspiring, emotional, touching, frustrating, occasionally dramatic, and, in the end, transforming experience.

We didn't blog more. But we reconnected with many people who have been important to us and continue to affect our paths.

Even though we both experienced this differently, the above deck highlights some of the points that were revealed to us both:

1. Don't make a list. (This from the list maker, Alice). When we began, we both made lists but discovered that we were spending more time making the list than actually thanking people. So away went the list, and we thanked whomever we were inspired to thank that day.
2. Be personal. Early on, we decided that email was "cheating." It had to be a handwritten note, a phone call, or an in-person visit. People who received our thanks were very touched to receive personal attention.
3. Be specific. Often, the people we were thanking didn't know why they were being thanked. By being specific, we could highlight that something that perhaps seemed very minor to them had a huge impact.
4. A gift is nice. Not required, but nice if you're inspired to give one. 
5. Thank every day. Like any habit, it takes a while to stick. There were days when we just thanked one person, and days when we thanked many. But we reached out to someone every day.
6. Listen to your heart. This led to thanking people we didn't want to thank, or people that we didn't know needed thanking. Even the tough ones were rewarding.
7. Laugh. It's easy to get sucked into sentimentality with gratitude. Some days, our thanks were silly, bordering on absurd. (Our colleague, Steve, in Yuma got most of those.) But they were thanks nonetheless, and a whole lot of fun.
8. Experience thanks fully. Emotions are involved in expressing gratitude. Prepare to be moved by them.
9. 100 days is not enough. There are many more people to thank, so we press on. Maybe not as consistently, but we continue.

Thanks to everyone who played along, and of course, to all the people we have been grateful for. We've learned much from this experience, and encourage anyone to take on this challenge. Let us know how it touches you!

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 33: People who push you out of your comfort zone

CN Tower Edge Walk, Toronto, ON

"Just try it. Three bites."

We have a rule in my house when it comes to food--the three bite rule. If my son, Matthew, doesn't want to try something, which is rare since he'll eat almost anything, he has to try at least three bites. If he doesn't like it after three bites, he doesn't have to eat it. More often than not, however, he ends up liking it. Unfortunately for me, that has resulted in him liking oysters (raw and smoked), lobster, unagi (eel), toro (fatty tuna), Brillat-Savarin cheese and all sorts of other expensive foods. And some of my favorites.

Likewise, there have been people in my life who have pushed me to try stuff that I didn't want to try. For instance, in May, Jim decided he wanted to go on the CN Tower EdgeWalk, where they hook you up to a "human dog run" on the roof of the revolving restaurant at the CN Tower. At 121 stories in the air, it's the highest outdoor recreation activity in North America, so they claim.

Video highlights from the EdgeWalk

This wasn't really on my to-do list, but I reluctantly agreed to participate. AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN!

On a professional level, when I was at Wisconsin Public Television, I did NOT want to be in front of the camera. Even though I was the on-air fundraising producer and could do the pitches in my sleep, I had no desire to be on-camera talent. The development director at the time, Malcolm Brett (now General Manager), said that being on-air was a condition of my employment.

My first on-camera break, in August 1994, was awful. Truly, incredibly awful.

Malcolm came up to me and said, "Well, you got the kinks out. Your next break will be fine."

The "after": My national PBS gig pitching Downton Abbey
(l to r) Ken Verdoia, Bob Marty, Joe Campbell, me

And he was right. My next break, the red tally light came on and I was fine. Now, being on-air for public television and radio is second nature to me, and my favorite part of my job.

If it weren't for people like Malcolm, I never would have discovered something that makes me really happy. And something I happen to be kind of good at.

So today, I give thanks to people who pushed me out of my comfort zone and introduced me to new things that I ended up enjoying. And most times, it didn't take more than "three bites."

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 32: Gratitude is Contagious

We've finished the first 30 days of our 100 Days of Gratitude! It's time for some reflections on our experiences so far.

1. People still like the personal touch.
We could have done this all a lot quicker by sending emails to people or posting something on their Facebook wall, but we have purposefully selected sending handwritten notes, making phone calls, and seeing people in person. Electronic media is great for a lot of things, but when you want to communicate a personal connection and real human interaction, you still kind of need to do something else.

2. There is never a shortage of people to thank.
When Jim and I travel (which most people know is a lot), we discuss our projects. (Sometimes I wonder what we'd talk about if we weren't business colleagues!) Lately, our conversations go like this:

Jim: Did you see I'm having dinner with Paul?
Alice: Yes. Oh, and that reminds me, we're having lunch with Elta.
Jim: Great. We haven't seen her in a long time. Oh, I have to call _____.
Alice: Oh yeah, and that reminds me, I need to add _____ to the list. Let me text myself.
Jim: Did you add _____?
Alice: Oops, no. I'll do that too.
Jim: Oh, and we're behind on the blog.

You get the idea. The list continues to grow the more people we thank. That's not a bad feeling!

3. Gratitude is contagious.
After sending thank you notes to several people, I got thank you notes back! We've also been encouraged by the number of people who have also decided to embark on their own 100 days of gratitude. A little bit of time that it takes to thank someone can start a cascade of gratitude.

(I'm reminded of the old Liberty Mutual ad campaign: "Doing the Right Thing.")


via AdWorld

Whether it's been people who impacted our personal lives, professional careers, or have donated to our causes, it has been the highlight of the month to thank them for their contributions. As we continue the 100 Days of Gratitude, we welcome your comments on your own gratitude experiences on this blog, or on our Facebook page.

Thank YOU!

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 12: The Team

Elta Foster, Alice Ferris, Jim Anderson & Tegwin Tiffany

Unless you're Kanye West or Donald Trump, you'll probably admit that you need other people to support and collaborate with you to in order to achieve your full potential.

I've been fortunate to be a part of many great teams from my undefeated High School Football team to record breaking corporate sales teams to the nonprofit organizations I serve today. But one of the most collaborative, supportive, fun and empowering teams I've ever been a part of was the Development Team at KNAU Arizona Public Radio. Together we achieved great things including producing the first, and only $1,000,000 fundraising year in the station's 30 year history.

The team begins with Elta Foster, the Membership Manager and the "foundation" of our team. Alice Ferris, ACFRE was the Development Director. She had just lost 1/2 her staff "overnight" when she hired me as Sales Manager. For about six months it was just the three of us doing the jobs of six people. That kind of challenge either brings you together or tears you apart. It cemented our relationships and they thrive to this day. Tegwin eventually joined us as Development Coordinator and Maddie (Synnott) Stansell rounded out our team as Development Assistant. Together we broke the records set before us and created new milestones. None of our accomplishments would have been possible if not for the strengths and sense of common purpose each person brought to the team.

We're taking Elta to dinner to thank her for being our "rock" and for her leadership and kindness. We're sending a care package to Colorado for Maddie and maybe we'll Skype to share "in person" how much her contributions and support empowered our success. Sadly, Tegwin is no longer with us, but we'll honor her contributions as well.

I've said before that all you need to create a successful team is cooperation and enthusiasm, but here are a few other characteristics that help create effective and highly producing teams.

Common Goals: Team members understand shared goals and agree that they are important and attainable.

Emotional Commitment: Everyone is personally invested in the success of the team and cares about their teammates' experience.

"We" Mentality: The team thinks in terms of "we," working together toward the same goals. Teams find ways to "pitch in," overcoming challenges and maximizing opportunities. It's unacceptable to say "It's not my job." Instead the question is always "How can I help?"

Specialized Skills: Individuals within the team each have unique valuable strengths and skills that they bring to each task and are recognized and valued by the team. Each has independent responsibilities that contribute to the common goals.

Clear Leadership: Leadership may change depending on projects, circumstances and events, but there are not battles for control during transitions.

Celebrations of Success: Long term goals can be draining. Strong teams find reasons to celebrate small successes in order to improve morale and provide motivation.

Thank you to the people that create teams that work. It isn't easy and takes time to mature, but when it works the end result is exponentially more than what you could have accomplished alone.

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Connect with GoalBusters
Jim Anderson GoalBustersJim

Alice Ferris alice.ferris

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 11: The Coach

I am extremely grateful for all of the coaches in my life. These are the people who want you to succeed beyond all else. They take both pride and joy in providing guidance on how to do so. We all need coaches and the smartest among us are the people eager to find others who can coach and mentor us for success.

Alice and I interview a lot of people as we lead focus groups, feasibility studies and donor outreach efforts. It seems that nearly every one of them is a coach in some way.  They provide diverse perspectives that we may not have understood before. They reveal networks and connections that we were unaware of. They point us toward opportunities that we were oblivious to.

The easiest way to find a coach is by asking questions and being open to learn. If you want to engage a coach, you have to value their opinions and knowledge. It's important you objectively evaluate the information they provide even if it creates cognitive dissonance for you. It might be hard to embrace, but you are not always the smartest person in the room.

Dr. William J. Rugg, VP/Provost, NSU

One of the most significant Coaches in my life is Dr. William J. Rugg, Vice President of Academic Affairs, Provost at NSU. I called Dr. Rugg tonight and shared with him what his coaching has meant to me. While I was a student at Northern Arizona University, Dr. Rugg was my advisor for a time. He helped me find a path and his support and guidance were the principle empowerments that helped me earn an internship in New York with the International Radio and Television Society. That opportunity changed my life. I was one of only 2 interns hired that year. The career that followed led me to the opportunities that I enjoy today. For that, and so much more I am eternally grateful to Dr. Rugg and to Denise Rugg, his wife.

The best coaches invest in us. They've decided that "we" are worthy of their time. Time is often the most valuable thing they share with us. They invest that time working to enlighten us. When they succeed, they help open our eyes and point us toward opportunity. 

Good Coaches Provide...

• Insight about people, organizations and conditions that you don't have experience with.
• "Ah-ha moments" by connecting dots where you hadn't seen relationships.
• Connections with others who support your cause.
• Direction about how to navigate within complex communities and organizations.
• "Left Field" revelations that you were clueless about.
• Warnings about hazards to avoid and "problem children" you may have to manage.
• Clarity about "doability." They help you understand what is possible.

Thanks again to the coaches we meet each day. We appreciate you investing the time to help us learn and grow.

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Connect with GoalBusters     

Jim Anderson      GoalBustersJim

Alice Ferris      alice.ferris

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 10: The Cheerleaders

I'm grateful for all of the people who enthusiastically encourage others to do good work, congratulate them on their successes and help keep up morale when someone needs a "boost."

You can probably rattle off a quick list of the cheerleaders in your life. They are family, friends and collegues who were thrilled for you when you applied for a new job or went back to school or volunteered at your first nonprofit.

They may be that person at work that checks in on you when you're working on a project and with a few kind words and a smile, rekindles your energy when you were thinking of "taking a break" or worse, giving up.

Cheerleaders validate your strengths, wisdom and capabilitites especially in the times you struggle with frustrations and self-doubt.

Like you, I have a long list of Cheerleaders who are consistently "there" for me but I had to pick someone to be the first person I called. It was easy because Mary Black started a "cheer" for me as I was writing this blog. Mary is often the first person to cheer Alice Ferris and I on as we're working on a project, the first to applaud our performance at presentations and the first to celebrate and share our successes. I'm taking Mary out for cocktails and I'll bring along a bottle of Grey Goose for her as a "thank you" for all the support she provides us and others. 

Real cheerleaders like Mary aren't just Polyannas, that flatter you with meaningless platitudes and sweet cheerul cliches. Real cheerleaders pay attention. They understand what you are trying to accomplish, why it's important to you and the obstacles you're faced with. 

And if you fail or things don't go the way you hoped, your Cheerleaders will still be there for you. They will be the first ones that offer a hand to help you up if you stumble. They dust you off, give you a hug and then nudge you back the direction you were headed. They never doubt you for failing, they celebrate you for trying and encourage you to try again.

Sometimes these cheerleaders are people we've inspired, and often they become our inspiration. They make it easier to keep believing in ourselves. We find ourselves thinking of our cheerleaders as we take action. We see their face and anticipate their reaction as we make choices. They are constant reminders that we are not "in this" alone. Someone is invested in our success. And we won't let them down. We can't let them down.

Here's to our Cheerleaders! "GO TEAM!"

There are countless ways for you to be a Cheerleader. Here are 3 suggestions of how you can be someone's Cheerleader today.

1. Recognize someone publicly for work that they've done.
2. Encourage someone's progress on a project or goal they are working toward.
3. Praise someone for their kindness, generosity, tenacity or wisdom.

See, that was easy.

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Connect with GoalBusters     

Jim Anderson      GoalBustersJim

Alice Ferris      alice.ferris