Lessons from 100 Days of Gratitude

From June to September 2013, we embarked on a mission to thank someone every day for 100 days. Honestly, the 100 Days of Gratitude was supposed to be a way to get us to blog more. Instead, it was an inspiring, emotional, touching, frustrating, occasionally dramatic, and, in the end, transforming experience.

We didn't blog more. But we reconnected with many people who have been important to us and continue to affect our paths.

Even though we both experienced this differently, the above deck highlights some of the points that were revealed to us both:

1. Don't make a list. (This from the list maker, Alice). When we began, we both made lists but discovered that we were spending more time making the list than actually thanking people. So away went the list, and we thanked whomever we were inspired to thank that day.
2. Be personal. Early on, we decided that email was "cheating." It had to be a handwritten note, a phone call, or an in-person visit. People who received our thanks were very touched to receive personal attention.
3. Be specific. Often, the people we were thanking didn't know why they were being thanked. By being specific, we could highlight that something that perhaps seemed very minor to them had a huge impact.
4. A gift is nice. Not required, but nice if you're inspired to give one. 
5. Thank every day. Like any habit, it takes a while to stick. There were days when we just thanked one person, and days when we thanked many. But we reached out to someone every day.
6. Listen to your heart. This led to thanking people we didn't want to thank, or people that we didn't know needed thanking. Even the tough ones were rewarding.
7. Laugh. It's easy to get sucked into sentimentality with gratitude. Some days, our thanks were silly, bordering on absurd. (Our colleague, Steve, in Yuma got most of those.) But they were thanks nonetheless, and a whole lot of fun.
8. Experience thanks fully. Emotions are involved in expressing gratitude. Prepare to be moved by them.
9. 100 days is not enough. There are many more people to thank, so we press on. Maybe not as consistently, but we continue.

Thanks to everyone who played along, and of course, to all the people we have been grateful for. We've learned much from this experience, and encourage anyone to take on this challenge. Let us know how it touches you!

100 Days of Gratitude: People You Don't Want to Thank

We've been much quieter than we expected during our self-proclaimed 100 Days of Gratitude. You could chalk it up to being too busy, but I think, in reality, we've been quiet because the process of thanking people for 100 days has required more internal processing than either of us realized.

We'll have a summary of lessons learned soon, but before we do, we want to share one lesson that struck both Jim and me.

Sometimes, there are people you should thank that you don't want to talk to again, let alone thank.

I'm certain that you have people who have crossed through your life's journey who have been just mean. Cruel. Rotten to you and your loved ones. Sometimes it's unintentional, but sometimes it's specific and targeted.

These people hurt you.

As Jim and I reviewed our lists of people to thank, certain people came up over and over. "Oh, I'll never thank that person." But as we talked about this whole process more, we recognized these main things:

1. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Yes, it's an overused phrase, thanks to Nietzche (and Kelly Clarkson), but it can be true. Difficult people and challenging situations can test your resolve and put your own beliefs into a crucible to be refined.

For example, my own view of philanthropy was once tested by someone who believed that fundraising was a zero sum game. "If I have a dollar to give, and I give it to someone else, you're out of luck," he said. "Every other organization is a competitor."

In response, after some thought, I said, "Do you know where the word 'philanthropy' comes from? It's from the Greek, 'philos' and 'anthropos.' It's about love of your fellow man." I continued, "You don't tell a parent that they'll love the second child less because there's a finite amount of love. Love expands and grows. Philanthropy is the same way. If you truly love a cause, you'll find a way to support it." I couldn't articulate that thought until I was pushed to do so.

2. Mean people can push you outside of your comfort zone. Generally, I am not a huge risk taker. I like to know what's going to happen and like to be in control of things that I can control. There have been times in my life, however, where it felt like there was nothing under my control, and I had to adjust. I had to take risks.

There's a quote on my wall that says this: "The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be...because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap!" Sometimes, I didn't leap, I was pushed!

3. There is something to learn from every chapter (or scene or paragraph) of my life. It was strange that once I started thinking about the lessons that came out of difficult interactions and relationships, my reactions to that time of my life seemed a little more detached. I could process the lesson without getting caught up in the emotions. Sometimes the lesson is as basic as, "that person is not really your friend," but it's a lesson, nonetheless.

I'm not saying that either Jim or I had this great epiphany where we are both willing to let bygones be bygones with everyone in our lives. I certainly am not saying that we're going to be friends with everyone we've met. There will be some people that I will never like or trust again. But I think we've both come to realize that even the difficult people have added something to our experiences and can be thanked.

Even if we can never bring ourselves to say so.

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 32: Gratitude is Contagious

We've finished the first 30 days of our 100 Days of Gratitude! It's time for some reflections on our experiences so far.

1. People still like the personal touch.
We could have done this all a lot quicker by sending emails to people or posting something on their Facebook wall, but we have purposefully selected sending handwritten notes, making phone calls, and seeing people in person. Electronic media is great for a lot of things, but when you want to communicate a personal connection and real human interaction, you still kind of need to do something else.

2. There is never a shortage of people to thank.
When Jim and I travel (which most people know is a lot), we discuss our projects. (Sometimes I wonder what we'd talk about if we weren't business colleagues!) Lately, our conversations go like this:

Jim: Did you see I'm having dinner with Paul?
Alice: Yes. Oh, and that reminds me, we're having lunch with Elta.
Jim: Great. We haven't seen her in a long time. Oh, I have to call _____.
Alice: Oh yeah, and that reminds me, I need to add _____ to the list. Let me text myself.
Jim: Did you add _____?
Alice: Oops, no. I'll do that too.
Jim: Oh, and we're behind on the blog.

You get the idea. The list continues to grow the more people we thank. That's not a bad feeling!

3. Gratitude is contagious.
After sending thank you notes to several people, I got thank you notes back! We've also been encouraged by the number of people who have also decided to embark on their own 100 days of gratitude. A little bit of time that it takes to thank someone can start a cascade of gratitude.

(I'm reminded of the old Liberty Mutual ad campaign: "Doing the Right Thing.")


via AdWorld

Whether it's been people who impacted our personal lives, professional careers, or have donated to our causes, it has been the highlight of the month to thank them for their contributions. As we continue the 100 Days of Gratitude, we welcome your comments on your own gratitude experiences on this blog, or on our Facebook page.

Thank YOU!

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 4: Unexpected Friends

Margo Hudson is not someone we expected to meet. She's one of the housekeeping staff at the United President's Club at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport.

When we met Margo, we were on a strange itinerary in May 2012 that involved a long layover in Cleveland. I arrived first and settled in, then Jim joined an hour later.

Margo takes very good care of her club. She is constantly on the lookout for items that need to be picked up, tables that need to be cleared, chairs that need to be straightened.

She came to clear our used items. Jim tried to help, and dropped a cup of ranch dressing on the floor. Upside down.

When Jim started to clean it up, Margo was horrified. "Oh no, sir, I can do that."

Jim replied, "My Grandma always said it's not wrong to make a mess, it's wrong to leave one."

Margo grinned, and we all became instant friends. She checked on us regularly, teased us about how long our layover was, and asked when we'd be back. I returned a couple days later and ended up exchanging emails.

Many months later, I flew through Cleveland again. On a whim, I stopped at the Club to see if Margo was there. She was.

"Alice! You came back! How's your friend, Jim? And where have you been since I saw you last?"

We've exchanged several emails since then, including one today: Margo was featured in Cleveland Magazine for her connection with Seeds of Literacy, as a student and now as a volunteer!

After congratulating her, we thanked Margo for being our unexpected friend and an inspiration. She's been one of the highlights of our travels, and I hope we get to see her in person again soon.

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Alice Ferris, ACFRE      alice.ferris
Jim Anderson      GoalBustersJim

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 3: Helping Someone Think Bigger

It's only day three of the 100 days of gratitude and already I have become the unexpected recipient of gratitude!

Out of the blue, I got an email from a former client who was asking about a new project. In the email, he mentioned something that reminded me of what he said to me once before...

"Thanks for helping us think beyond bake sales."

Sometimes, the only thing limiting our growth is our own idea of what is possible. You may recall that this exercise originally was only going to be a month, until Jim Anderson pushed the limit of what was possible.

So my theme for gratitude today is for people who have pushed me to redefine what is possible...
who remind me on a regular basis that I am not the same gawky kid from my youth that exists in my mind...
who have challenged me to think bigger.

Go be HUGELY grateful.

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Connect with GoalBusters     

Alice Ferris, ACFRE      alice.ferris
Jim Anderson      GoalBustersJim

100 Days of Gratitude, Day 2: The Incomplete Journey

At Trinity Heights United Methodist Church on Sunday, Pastor Marc McDonald shared a message about journeys. Somewhere in the middle, he said, and I paraphrase, "For those who work in social service, your work is never done. There is always someone else who needs your help. The journey will never end."

Amen.

As a nonprofit consultant, we see on a regular basis that the need never ends. While we lead organizations through strategic planning and ask them to visualize what it would look like to accomplish their mission, we know that, for the majority of our clients, their work will never be complete.

And yet, each one is still committed to taking the journey. Some day, maybe now, maybe well into the future, there will be a transformation.

Since many organizations need our ongoing support to continue down their paths, our journey as consultants never seems complete either, both figuratively and literally. We're on the road a lot.

So Sunday afternoon, I took a moment to thank my son and my husband for supporting me and my work. As I spoke with my son, I said that just like the organizations I work with, my work is never done; my journey will be incomplete. But my hope is that we are providing the tools and the support to make the nonprofit journey smoother, perhaps a little more pleasant, and for that, I am grateful.

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Connect with GoalBusters     

Alice Ferris, ACFRE      alice.ferris
Jim Anderson      GoalBustersJim