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Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Who "Owns" the Right to Talk about Diversity?

Girl Scouts: I'm the one with the excessive number of badges
I was born in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin, to immigrants from Taipei, Taiwan. (How my parents ended up in Beaver Dam, "Home of 16,000 Busy Beavers" according to the sign that was unfortunately taken down in the 90's, is a story for another time.) When Jim bought me an Ancestry.com DNA test as a Christmas gift, my report said that I was 93% East Asian (Chinese) and 7% Pacific Islander, tracing to Taiwan. Needless to say, I am definitely Asian.

While I am genetically very Asian, however, I grew up "ABC"--American Born Chinese. I am basically a girl from the Midwest who grew up and continues to live in communities without much of an Asian population. To paraphrase John Maeda from his 99U interview, I'm a Type O minority. I can go anywhere.

Yet over the years, I've been the one who is supposed to understand "all things diversity."

I've been the token person on a committee or board who is supposed to represent "minorities." I have been asked to speak on diversity issues, specifically, Asian American giving, even though I don't know much about Asian American giving. I've been disqualified for a role because they already have a person from a diverse community and they don't need another.

Since I live in Northern Arizona, where there are far more Hopi and Navajo people than Asians, I've had the privilege of working with several Native American led nonprofits. In many respects, I've come to learn more about Native American philanthropy than Asian American giving. But if I speak about my experiences with my Hopi and Navajo colleagues, does that mean I'm "co-opting" their culture? Or if I speak about Hopi and Navajo culture as an Asian, it's okay, but if my white male colleague does, it's not?

I am incredibly bothered by some people's militant approach to important issues around race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and other diversity factors. I worry that in our zeal to affect change, we are far too quick to disqualify people who can and want to raise up others.

I'm guilty of this sometimes too. Case in point, I was one of the members that was skeptical when nearly one year ago, Mike Geiger was announced as the new President and CEO of the Association of Fundraising Professionals. Like some others, I thought, "Great. We talk about diversity, but we hired a white male?"

But then I had the chance to meet him, and talk with him, and listen to his ideas about addressing diversity, inclusion, equity and access. In less than a year, he has demonstrated a commitment to productive conversations about diversity, and has been a true champion.

Celeste Headlee, author of We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter, wrote, "Imagine how presumptuous it is to enter a conversation...to educate someone else about their biases when you are unaware of your own." Assuming that someone has to be a person of color, or LGBTQ, or female, or some other factor to "qualify" to talk about his or her personal experiences with a diverse culture is flawed. We want to have conversations, not cut them off.

Posted on my computer is a quote from Daniel Pink: "Assume positive intent." And I do believe that some people who frustrate me do have a positive intent to enact much needed change. Through LGBTQ advocacy, the Women's March, #MeToo, Black Lives Matter, and many other grassroots movements, we are gradually, finally, giving voice to people for whom it is overdue. But vilifying people when you haven't listened to their story, or just because they are not visibly "diverse," is counterproductive. What's important is to listen and respect each other. We must have conversations that matter to get change to stick.


Monday, September 18, 2017

"Little Things" Can Make a Big Difference.

Living a "single serving life."

"Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends." - Fight Club, 1999

I travel about 170 days each year. I live a single serving life on the road. From the tiny packets of salt and pepper served with a "hobby kit" meal on a plane to the little bottles of shampoos and conditioners in each hotel I call home for a night or two. And if I don't use these single service amenities, I take them with me.

Why?

It's natural to simply assume I'm cheap. Well, I prefer the term frugal. But when I take most of these things home it's with a clear understanding I will never use the items I've stowed in my luggage.

What's better than collecting all of these free, small personal hygiene products from the hotels I frequent? Giving them away to someone who might need it more than I. Someone who wishes they could spend a night in a room like the one that body wash came from. I carry home my bounty, I put it in a box, and when the box is full I take it to a homeless or domestic violence shelter. I did that today.

On the Flagstaff Shelter Services "Get Involved" webpage, they have a listing for "Shelter Program Needs" and ask for Hygiene supplies:  toothpaste, toothbrushes, dental floss, razors, deodorant, lotion, lip balm, shampoo, soap, etc.

I delivered this (and more) to them today. It shook me. It has shaken me each of the many times I've made donations or volunteered at this and similar organizations. My day, my night is unlike that faced by my homeless neighbors. The night they face terrifies me.

As I drove towards the shelter today, I saw something I've seen before. It always makes me uneasy.

It was just after 3:00 pm. The shelter opens at 4:00. For many blocks I counted people walking to the shelter. Four couples, three single men, one man helping, but not "pushing" a woman with one leg in a wheelchair. This is a "ritual" each day as the clients who aren't allowed to stay in the facility return for a meal and roof over their heads for the night. It's September 18th. The Weather Channel forecasts temperature in the low 40s tonight. Not a good night to be sleeping outside.

As I approached, there were two police SUVs strategically parked on either side of the shelter about a block apart. I was cautious as I approached the vehicle. I slowed. I stopped. I slowly waved to get an officer's attention. I was probably safe. I'm white and over 50. Geez, it hurt to say that out loud, the over 50 part. The officer was standing in the open door of his vehicle pinching his shoulder radio to talk to the other officer in the distant SUV. As I waved for the third time, the officer looked at me with boredom or acceptance or relief and waved me through. It appeared as though they were done with whatever the issue was. Both vehicles were gone by the time I parked.

Before I parked I passed by the shelter and did a U-turn. There were dozens of people in the shade on both sides of the street. It's Arizona. The sun is merciless and cruel. 

I parked near the front of the anonymous building and made my way up the driveway to an open door adorned with caution tape. It looked like it was recently broken or damaged. I've never entered this way before. I usually go around back and enter through their "processing" entrance. This wasn't really an appropriate entrance for me. I didn't know the door was only open for ventilation. I just walked in an open door before I realized where it led. I stepped into the "bedroom barracks."

I walked through rows of bunkbeds with personal items on them, clothing mostly, but some with a toy, or a totem on something that created ownership, that branded the space. I was embarrassed to have invaded their space. I felt awkward. I had just stumbled into the bedroom of scores of strangers. That's not cool.

I entered an open, common area and saw a few clients who apparently didn't have to clear the facility during the day. I assumed that they provided services or assisted in running the facility or had special needs.

A man told me Chuck was the guy I should speak to. I greeted Chuck and explained that I would like to make a donation of "a somewhat large quantity of hotel toiletries." He replied "That is great. People love those small bottles. They're easy to travel with." (I call them "pocket portable.") When Chuck commented "Our clients love the small items," a elderly woman grinned ear to ear and nodded vigorously as she pushed her walker across the room.

Her enthusiastic smile motivated me to write this blog, and to start my next box of "single serving" donations.

Chuck and I walked to my car. I offered to carry the larger box and asked Chuck to grab the five or six additional bags of toiletries that didn't fit in the box. We came back through the bunkbeds. He wrote me a receipt and walked me to the door.  I shared with him that I collect these items as I travel and I think of who I'm bringing them home for.

I shared I have great compassion for people experiencing homelessness because I was briefly one of them. It was terrifying. I know what it's like to sleep in bed of my pickup truck, parked in the forest, eager to get up and go to a job interview. I pretended I was just camping. I almost fooled me. I know what it's like to shave and wash up in a Burger King bathroom before going to a nearby job interview. Luckily for me, I got that job. But it wasn't easy for the next few years as my ex and I worked our way through college with two young children.

I support Food Banks because I needed their support to feed my family at one point during college. We supplemented our groceries with government cheese and oats and the generous donations of others for a while. My children and I have used medical aid programs. I've collected unemployment checks and used food stamps.

The food stamps were so embarrassing. You know how your ignorant uncle ridicules foreign currency as "Monopoly money" because it's not all the same size and not green? Yeah, I tore my coupons from my monthly book and I used that "funny money" to buy milk and eggs for my kids. I tried to shop late at night so no one knew I needed help to feed my family.

All of my life I have had family and friends who have needed support from government programs. I guess we're socialists. Either that or we believe in helping those in need. Some say these programs are abused by lazy criminals. Fraud? A little, but that fraud is a tiny fraction compared to the millions of people the programs help. Most people do not want to go through the stress and indignity of completing the applications, interviews and reports required to get these benefits. You are "required" to prove you deserve help. That stings. It is humiliating. Most people only use these programs for a limited time. Then they are paying back into the programs for the next person who needs the services.

All I did was collect soap, shampoo and shaving cream then deliver it to a shelter for people who may need to clean up in a fast food restaurant bathroom before an interview, like me. It may help someone in a small way.

I'll keep collecting those "single service" items and passing them along. It's the least I can do.

There are other ways you can help

Please consider supporting those with less by choosing a nonprofit, charity or social change organization of your choice.

Cash is always valued but you can make an impact with a non-cash contribution as well. Alice and I discuss non-cash giving concepts in our "House of Philanthropy."

4 Non-cash ways to give.

Transaction - Buy something from them. It's the same as donating cash.

Volunteer - Just show up. Carry your bucket of water.

Service - If you have a skill, talent, or service provide it.

Goods - Give something that can be sold or would otherwise be purchased by the organization. Expense savings often equal cash donations.

Is there something you could do today that might help?


Thursday, April 6, 2017

"Do I Have To?" No One Really Likes Your Donor Cultivation Events

I heard the most refreshingly honest thing from a significant donor the other day.

"Please don't invite me to another dinner party."

As a charitable sector, we plan a lot of donor cultivation events. We know we need to connect with our donor base. Inevitably, we think of things from OUR perspective: it would be so much easier if we could organize a small event and invite our best prospects. That way we can talk to all of them at once!

Have you ever stopped to consider that your donors may not like these events and come in spite of that?

Think about it. You've been invited to an event where you don't know if you'll know anyone, you don't know if you'll like anyone, and you might get stuck with someone that talks your ear off about something you don't care about, or worse, don't agree with. The food will be lackluster, the drinks will be cheap, and you'll lose an entire evening over it.

So let's think about this from the donor's perspective. What does the donor want?

Customized attention
It doesn't need to be one-on-one, per se, but your cultivation activity does need to reflect the interests of your donor or prospective donor. Ask them what they want to do to deepen their engagement. For some, it actually might be a dinner party. But for most, it will involve some kind of customized VIP experience.

Don't say "no" for them
Maybe you think that your idea of how to deepen the relationship is too much time for them, too arduous a request, too daring, or too tame. Don't automatically toss out the idea--ask the donor what they think. You never know when they might say, "Wow, I've always wanted to do that!"

Respect their time
That said, respect how much time they have to give to you. If they can only commit an hour, create an experience for an hour. It's better to schedule a return experience than leave them bored and frustrated by how much time this took.

Have them truly experience your mission
Whatever you do, make sure it connects somehow with your mission. In fact, that may be why your donor doesn't want to attend your reception or dinner party: it's so removed from what they think your mission is, that it's of no interest.

Listen
Above all, listen to their needs. It doesn't matter what YOU want to do, if it's not what the donor wants.



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